Merah biru mukaku

I just got back from a meeting... and this meeting is supposed to be attended by at least a DIRECTOR... if a DIRECTOR couldn't make it, the next 'victim' would be a senior manager. But in this case, I dont have any boss - senior manager since the jawatan dipinjamkan ke overseas office... and I was asked to attend the meeting. Fine.... Walaupun berat hati, terpaksa jugalah.. (dagang pak malau dagang merempat, dagang hamba kena pi mesyuarat..... )

This meeting is supposed to provide a 'linkage' between the private sector and govt agencies. And when I stepped into the meeting room, I saw all the top guns from the private sector, and about 8 'otais' from govt agencies... and ME... I serve this org. less than 3 years and there I was, supposedly to attend to all enquiries and to tepis all the 'bullets' form the private sector.

That was the longest 2 hours.. I kept on looking at my watch.. wishing bilalah meeting ni nak abis... my face had turned red - blue - red - blue....

Why?

• they asked question.. and I couldnt answer... totally clueless and speechless...and look stupid some more...
• they wanted explaination about something I have never heard before
• they wanted to know what criteria you use to judge a 'program' that is led by another division in my org.
• they wanted to know specific reason why 'this thing' couldnt be done but somehow.. get done by other companies...(also led by another division)
  

I wish i can goreng them.. but u know there are certain thing that you can goreng.. and when the 'mother agency' is also in the meeting.. you can't goreng too much.. there's a limit u know... and...

there I was.. looking red and blue.... and all I could say " yes, I understand your concerns.. and I need to further check on this and will get back to you" .. and just imagine that I have been rephrasing the 'standard answer' with the same meaning over and over again.... hoping not to sound too stupid....

Well, i am not stupid....if I am stupid, i wouldn't be in that meeting rite.. hmm.. but i dunno whether those people would think that i am stupid.... but i think that i don't look that stupid because I tried hard to compose myself and also my face -trying hard not to look stupid...

Luckily, I speak English.. Quote "I sound even more stupid if I speak in Malay"...ye ke? hehehehe...